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POSITION:
Mother, Mom, Mama
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JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players
needed, for challenging
permanent work in an often
chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess
excellent communication
and organizational skills
and be willing to work
variable hours, which will
include evenings and
weekends and frequent 24
hour shifts on call. Some
overnight travel required,
including trips to
primitive camping sites on
rainy weekends and endless
sports tournaments in far
away cities. Travel
expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties
also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be
hated, at least
temporarily, until someone
needs $5. Must be willing
to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the
physical stamina of a pack
mule and be able to go
from zero to 60 mph in
three seconds flat in
case, this time, the
screams from the backyard
are not someone just
crying wolf. Must be
willing to face
stimulating technical
challenges, such as small
gadget repair,
mysteriously sluggish
toilets and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls,
maintain calendars and
coordinate production of
multiple homework
projects. Must have
ability to plan and
organize social gatherings
for clients of all ages
and mental outlooks. Must
be willing to be
indispensable one minute,
an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and
product safety testing of
a half million cheap,
plastic toys, and battery
operated devices. Must
always hope for the best
but be prepared for the
worst. Must assume final,
complete accountability
for the quality of the end
product. Responsibilities
also include floor
maintenance and janitorial
work throughout the
facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR
ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
Virtually none. Your job
is to remain in the same
position for years,
without complaining,
constantly retraining and
updating your skills, so
that those in your charge
can ultimately surpass you
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually
exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them!
Offering frequent raises
and bonuses. A balloon
payment is due when they
turn 18 because of the
assumption that college
will help them become
financially independent.
When you die, you give
them whatever is left. The
oddest thing about this
reverse-salary scheme is
that you actually enjoy it
and wish you could only do
more.
BENEFITS:
While no health or dental
insurance, no pension, no
tuition reimbursement, no
paid holidays and no stock
options are offered; this
job supplies limitless
opportunities for personal
growth and free hugs for
life if you play your
cards right.
~ author not known ~
submitted by Mack
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