~ A Secret Kept Hidden ~

My insides are knotted and screaming out
I've had to deal with this so long
The abuse I endured when I was a child
I had to learn how to become strong.

I've kept this secret buried deep within
To this day, no one knows
My scars are all inside of me
Outwardly, it doesn't show.

Nightmares visit me all the time
Reliving the abuse inflicted upon me
Struggling to make it through the day
Begging the Lord to hear my plea.

So many broken relationships
No one to lean on in my time of need
I'm all alone with this pain inside
My life is on hold, I can't proceed.

I carry the shame of what took place
You didn't give me any choice
Afraid to utter the word "abuse"
I'm silent, you won't hear my voice.

Each day I just go through the motions
Envying the life you seem to lead
I see you hug your children and spouse
But love means nothing to me.

You took away my youth, my life
You destroyed my soul inside
Depression is all I've ever known
Each day I sit and cry.

I'm tired of keeping up this facade
I was afraid to even face you
You have to realize what you've done to me
Don't you know what you've put me through?

The years have seemed to race on by
And I still keep this secret hid
You passed away several years ago
But the Good Lord knows what you did!

Therapy and friends are what I need now
To help me realize this was not my fault
To put the blame where it belongs
This guilt trip I'm on needs to come to a halt.

So I pray to our Lord everyday
Asking Him to heal me
I want to lead a normal life
And become what He wants me to be.

Chee Chee Martin 2006

This poem is dedicated to everyone who has suffered from abuse!


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