~ Too Many Emails! ~

I get up early in the morning
with no hot plans forming...
But you can bet without fail
I'm going to check my emails!

Ohh NO, do my eyes fail me
There's wayyy tooo many!
My in-box is Sooo crammed!
Geezz, I've been spammed!

At times I feel like such a cheat
as I sit here and totally delete ...
With that spam there's NO end
Heyy, gotta find my friends!

Emails every dang day of the week ...
From those monster porno freaks ...
Gosh dang naked women and men
Geeezz, it's 6AM, my head's in a spin!

AND those promises and vows
to "enlarge" places somehow ...
They want to enlarge this and that ...
Heyy buster, L@@K, I'm already fat!

Gonna enlarge my breasts?
Heyyy, let's give it a rest!
With all this filling my head
Heyy, I may go back to bed!

Uh oh, is there never an end
there's another "forward" to send
"Forward" or things will get worse
IF I don't, I'll get a dang curse ...

Oh, there's that real old one back!
Emails that Microsoft's gonna track
there's money for all you send
Heyyy, you can really cash in!

Well, heck! Did they just forget?
I ain't got my dang money yet!
Sometimes I sure do wish
I knew who's behind all this!

Heyyyy, tickets to the movies FREE
May as well go shake a dang tree
Heyyy, don't waste your time!
'Cause danged if I got mine!

Uh oh, there's more ole stale jokes
and virus warnings that are a hoax
AND these scam artist folks
pulling the ole "pig in the poke"

Seems their government sank
and their money's hung in a bank
They need your help Quick!
But heyyy, we know it's a trick!

Who do they think I am
falling for that old scam!
Email "warnings" by the score
Is it even safe to move anymore?

There's lots of emails sent to me
about the old "mosquito remedy"
Soapy detergent water in a bowl
Put in all the thing will hold ...

Do this remedy, if you will
and those ole skitters it'll kill
I put it in every room and the hall
and my dang dog drank it all!

Naww, it's true, I ain't lying
and the skitters are still flying!
That remedy wasn't a big hit
but the dog sure did like it!

When I get an email written
POOF! the cyber troll's bitten!
I spend most of my dang time
trying to get myself back online!

But heyy, my friends make my day!
Sending lots of great emails my way
No one really intends to bug ya
We just wanna say Hi and hug ya

But hey, get with it folks
send me some NEW jokes
Heyyy, you guys, get wise!
I've got these memorized!

Too many emails may bug
some give your heart a tug
but heyy you know in the end ... 
You have some really great friends!!

Barbara LaBarbera
  2004 used with permission

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